you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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