Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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