the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
