If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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