you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
