I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
