I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
