Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
