I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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