It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
