Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
