I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
