Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
