we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
