I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
