My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
