Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Pants are for mortals
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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