If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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