the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
