if you like me you must not know who I am
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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