when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
