Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
