Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My breasts were aching with rage.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just forgot I was standing up.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
