Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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