According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
