Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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