How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
