First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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