I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
