ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize