I'm drive I can fine osifer
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
