Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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