why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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