I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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