ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
