I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
