there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
