he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
