i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
