I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
