I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
