OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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