whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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