Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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