I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
