It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
