he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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