hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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