He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
