Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
