Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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