Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
