kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
