Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
