apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
