I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
