so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
