im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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