He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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