I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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