Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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