Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
