I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
