hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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