Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
