Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
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i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
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There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
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