im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
