Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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