You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
