i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
