Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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