shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
