You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
