At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Who died my cat blue again?
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