I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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