you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
