she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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