the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
