After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
